Cheri Bergeron: "Screw The Fairytale"

💥 "If the glass slipper doesn't fit—screw the fairy tale." 💥 In this powerful conversation, author Cheri Bergeron sits down with Eric Jorgenson to share the raw, emotional, and deeply personal story behind her new book, Mission Motherhood. After enduring over a decade of heartbreak—including infertility, NICU trauma, and a $250,000 custody battle with a man who wasn't the biological father of her child—Cheri didn't just survive… she turned her pain into purpose. 🎙️ In this episo

Transcript

Well, I'm so excited to talk to you, Cherie. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you for writing a book with us. Thank you for writing a book at all. This is such a joy. Thank you. I mean, I had no choice but write this book, so I'm excited to talk to you about it. Well, tell me about that. I always like to start with, like, how did you decide to write a book? Although, as you put it, maybe, how did this book decide to come out of you? This book chose me, honestly, because for 10 years, I struggled to become a mother, and I went through just about everything that a person could endure to achieve that goal.

I went through loss. I went through, you know, surrendering my body in all ways. I went through NICU experiences, the neonatal ICU. And I ultimately went through a custody. I went through a custody battle that was very public and precedent-setting. So at the end of that journey, it was like, how am I going to make it so that this wisdom doesn't just die with me? You know, what can I do to make meaning out of this suffering that I've been through? And I think the best way to do that is to figure out how you can help somebody else.

So that's really how this book was born, and it was really kind of one of those shiny moments, like, ta-da, you're going to have to do this. And so that's really how Mission Motherhood was born. I love it. Was there sort of one epiphany? Was there just like a growing sense that you had to teach? Did people kept telling you, you know, oh my gosh, you should write a book about this? I was in the middle of the lawsuit thinking that there was a good chance that I was going to lose or have to share parental rights of my son that I had conceived on my own using an anonymous sperm donor.

There was a good chance that I was going to lose custody to a man. There was a good chance that I was going to lose custody to a man who wasn't his father simply because we were legally married at the time. We were legally separated for four years, but technically married. And, you know, I had pursued my own independent pregnancy. And four years later, even after saying that he filing papers saying that he knew he was not the father, he reversed his position four years later and sued me for custody of my son.

So I was in the middle of that. And I thought, this is great. Crazy. You know, we end up sometimes in our lives thinking this can't be happening. And that was the moment. And I said, you know, I need to share all of this and how we got here because other women might fall into some of these same traps. And so I owed it to future generations to do it. Yeah, I love I think that's the basis of some of the very best books. They're they're service oriented, they're mission oriented, and they're born of this really unique life experience.

Sometimes. Yeah. In other words, for those women who don't go through this struggle yet, who, you know, know that there are not bound to be difficulties, trust me, turf 2 to test a world of God. Can't be blessed without justice. so, you know, that kind of bible does speak to me because again, a woman is allowed toوم пользовat a moral law of duty and a moral Ban wo t, and if she's not convinced about a woman's any种 as an aggressive woman iξ this is with the derms respect between ther take whichever ob god otras as either avezono about6 You know, the idea is that I think many of us come into the journey of adulthood believing the societal norms that we're going to meet the person of our dreams at the right time.

We're going to get pregnant easily. We're going to have this glorious family we've always wanted and we're going to live happily ever after. But for some of us, the journey doesn't quite go like that. And sometimes we pursue career for a long time like I did. And sometimes we have relationships that don't work out. And that causes that fairy tale not to come together exactly as we planned. And for people like me, women like me, I thought that if I didn't get married, didn't meet that perfect person, didn't find someone who was great to have kids with, that was the only path to motherhood.

And so I made a lot of mistakes along the way believing that false premise. And I want future generations of women to realize that that's not the way to go. That's one plan. And, you know, maybe that's the perfect plan. But there can still be wonderful plans that don't look like that. So really my goal, and I wrote this for women who need to know what their full range of options are and for women who are pursuing unconventional paths to motherhood, non-traditional paths to motherhood. I love it.

Once you've had the epiphany to write the book, let's talk about sort of the getting oriented to like what that would mean and what you're maybe some of your expectations. What your expectations were going into the journey of like becoming an author. So I had written a lot of stuff during this process. I actually felt like I kind of wrote the whole book, but it was boring as hell. I mean, it was all the facts. Were you writing journals? Were you blogging? You know, it really just started pouring out of me throughout the process.

Like this is a chapter. This is a chapter. This is a chapter. So. And we were in COVID, I think, at the time that some of this. So what else are you going to do? Right. So I had this time when I wasn't homeschooling my children and going absolutely insane. And I started writing and writing and writing. And I was like, this is OK. But it's not great. And I want to do something great. And so I started to look around for what would be the best partner to write with. And I mean, I have I have a marketing degree.

I know how to write. I had an English minor. Like, I'm not a bad writer, but. OK, wasn't good enough for me. So I found Scribe and I reached out to the team. And frankly, I had sticker shock as to what it would cost to write a book. And I was like, oh, my God, you know, I had just spent I can't even tell you an obscene amount of money. On my divorce and court case. I mean, to defend my son alone, it was two hundred and fifty thousand dollars just to defend my son against this one piece. So I had already been sort of bleeding cash.

And so here was, you know, it was going to be an investment as it should be. But I wasn't prepared to make that investment at the time. And one of my friends said, hey, you know, there are a bunch of bunch of people who write books around, you know, so just go for one of those. It's like, you know, a couple thousand dollars. So I did that. And that was a journey. I didn't know that writing a book was going to be as hard and as time consuming as having my kids. That's what ended up being the thing, because I I decided to go the cheaper route.

And I found these like fly by night places that were not interactive, that didn't do good writing. And I spent probably a year and a half. Going through a frustrating. Poor quality process with somebody who, you know, was supposed to be helping me, but they were really serious about it. So at the end of that, you know, probably 18 months or so, I cut bait and I said, you know what? I got it. I got to go back to scribe. I got to go back to scribe. And that was really the moment you guys were actually in a transition at that time.

That was the moment when things really started to come together. Once you got on board with scribe. I decided that this is something really worth investing in that, that my story and the impact I wanted to make was, was worth investing in was the moment that this turned around. Yeah, I love that. I love, I love so much about that story because you know, your focus on taking it from, from good to great. Your focus on making the investment for the book and for yourself to signify that it's something like so, so important to you.

Uh, there's a great Benjamin Franklin quote about this. I hope to get right. Yeah. The bitterness of low quality remains long after the sweetness of low price is forgotten. That is so true. So true. And I was sitting there thinking, this is something that, you know, I want generations of women to read. Do I want it to suck? I mean, you know, this says my name on it. I don't want it to be like that. So that was the beginning. Yeah. I had the exact same feeling. You know, you just, you really want it to be quality and these books are going to live forever.

These books are going to outlive us. And when you signal, you know, that something is high quality. Well designed, well put together. It does make it more likely that people will pick it up, respect the contents of it and really adopt it. And when the, you know, the mission is as important as motherhood, then that's an important, it's an important attribute to have. Okay. So something I like to ask authors, and this is not as specific to your scribe journey, which is your author journey. What was your low point and what was your highest point? Well, I think that low point was when I had gone the wrong path with the wrong kind of company.

And I was like, how hard does all of this have to be people? You know, I'd. I've already gone through so much and I kind of wondered, did I, I was tired of struggling. And, and so I was so demoralized by some of those parts, but like with my other journey, I just pulled myself up by my bootstraps and I said, this is not going to prevent me. You know, I'm just stubbornness is probably one of the greatest qualities that I have. And I said, this isn't, this isn't going to prevent me from doing it. And so I think that was really one of the lowest moments for me when I was trying so hard.

But it really wasn't coming together. When we, when it's stubbornness for a good cause, we call it determination or perseverance. Let's give you, let's give yourself some credit. Give me a little credit. Yes, that's true. That's true. Okay. And what about your, your highest point so far? The highest point for me really was collaborating with my scribe. And so I have to give a shout out to Amanda. She really dug in and understood my voice and my, you know, the sentiment. And the kind of book that I wanted to write.

And when we started to, when I started to see the writing come out from her, that was based on all our interviews and my writing, she actually took some of my writings and made them better. And when I started to see that, I could just feel it inside. And I was like, this is really going to happen. And it's the quality product that I want. And so that was really, I think the highest point to realize that we were going to be able to get there. That is awesome. Yeah. That feeling that like you're, you're seeing and you're starting to see it really come together.

The fog is sort of lifting and you see moments where the final product peeks through. That's so, that's so fun. It's so satisfying. It was probably when I read the introduction for the first time, I was like, holy expletive. This is really, you know, this is really good. And, you know, then the first thing I did was I took it to my mother and because she was there throughout the whole journey with me. And the. It's really, this book is kind of a love letter to my mother because she's the person who taught me the kind of mother I wanted to be.

Unconditional love and acceptance and things like that. And so when I saw her start to cry, that's when I knew that this was going to achieve the desired result. That's incredible. Sometimes the most poignant moments is just, you know, we have an audience of one as an author and just showing somebody something in print. And the transformation. It really shows the impact that some people have had on you in your life. That that's amazing. Yeah. Shout out to Amanda. Shout out to moms. All moms. All moms.

We appreciate you. We wouldn't be here without you. That's right. And it's no accident that my book is coming out right before Mother's Day because that was really kind of the gift to all future mothers that I wanted to bring. I love it. And what a great story to tell. How did this book change through the creative process? You know, you worked on this over a course of many years. You had. You had this epiphany in this dark moment in your life. You spent a while writing. Then you spent a while working with another company.

Then you spent a while, you know, basically starting over. It sounds like pretty close to it with with scribe. And now we're on the eve of this book coming out. You know, sort of what did you envision at the very beginning? And what what creative pieces did you maybe have to, like, let go of or grab on to or perceptions you change throughout this? Well, the biggest challenge for me was that I wanted. A book that was gripping and immersive. So all of my details kind of fell short on that because I really had to figure out a way to bring the experience to life.

So my standard that I and my challenge that I gave to Amanda was I want this book to feel like. You're sitting across from a great girlfriend, one of your closest girlfriends, having a glass of wine or maybe a bottle of wine at this point. And you're, you know, sharing some of the deepest parts of yourself. So. So I wanted the book to feel immersive and intimate and gripping. And to do that, you have to put in an insane amount of detail to be able to convey that to someone on a page. And that's really what Amanda helped me with is to bring out those details.

And she would ask questions about it that would bring those out, which if I was doing this on my own, that never would have happened. So it was really that partnership where she helped me bring that immersive experience. To life. And my early reviewers are saying, I can't put this down, you know, and even I knew the story and I still couldn't put it down. And so, you know, I think that's a mission accomplished just in and of itself is that we achieved that immersive feeling. That's incredible. I love that as a sort of a tone that you set.

I think it's really helpful to have as you're writing something to visualize, like a feeling almost that you want to visualize or a real life interaction to simulate that. With the writing, it's super, I mean, it's so fun to collaborate. I think most people imagine writers as, you know, sitting under a bare bulb with a, you know, a laptop or a typewriter or a notepad. And things feel, things come so much more naturally when you can have a conversation about the book and it emerges from this dialogue.

Especially when it's your kind of book where you want it to feel like a dialogue between the author and the reader. Having someone to sort of bounce those ideas off of and pull ideas out of you and, you know, just tease things apart. Yeah. 100%. I knew that things, she was, even though Amanda wasn't like my current audience because she has a family and, you know, she's not going through this particular journey. When I would share something and it would hit her emotionally, I knew I was on the right track.

And so I personally feel that the best creative processes are collaborative in nature. And so that's what this was. Okay. So now we are, we're on the eve of publishing. We're getting very close. Deep. For you in particular. So the tension is. I have it here. The tension's building. I have it here. Oh yeah, hold it up. I have it here. Oh, I love it. I love it. How did you feel unboxing that for the first time? Amazing. You know, as I said, five years of toil and 15 years in total. It feels like one of the other, second to my children.

It feels like the most significant thing I've done in my life. And it feels most special in the, as an author, and I know it's not because my family is close to the depths of the evolving human world. But people are growing as Quentin overwhelms everyone who likes to listen to the**** Euphoria of getting back to your own humanity and really spread your profuseness. I mean, it's no exaggeration that you're a member of the Quentin cannot four foes version too. It is. It is. And I really appreciate your influence.

You send lots of and comments personally. And this is really the center of the program now. You mentioned that it's burned every day. I see it was the best five or six years. You avoid the thing that you write about in your day. Destined to give it a term that's lost somebody. at some points because I'm like the creator and I don't process isn't my bag but scribe does all those things for you and I was I think surprised at how regimented the process was in a very good way that there were you know you asked something about well what were the biggest surprises to me the great thing is there's no surprises in sense of scribe makes it so that there's no bad surprises you know kind of what the process has been and you guys have been through this so many times that you it's really a science and so I appreciated that because I knew that I was being shepherded through a process that had been well thought through well orchestrated and it felt like that the entire time that's fantastic I'm so glad to hear we do yeah we pride ourselves on on process and predictability and you know no stone left unturned no detail left unaddressed so I'm glad that was apparent to you we did this and a lot of authors are surprised at how small not just how small the tasks are but how small the decisions are that they get to make I mean nuanced decisions about about layout or the color of the paper or the binding or the adjusting the spine for the cover design like all the little details that really make it polished and perfect and shine and stand out it's kind of like building a house you never know like how many different kinds of toilets there are or light you know or or light plates and things like that and you so sometimes it can feel very overwhelming unless you have someone who's guiding you through the process the way that Emmy did my project manager did so I really appreciate her as well good yeah I mean it's fantastic I actually use that analogy a lot the building a house you know it's like yeah you people do build their own house it just takes a long time and things might not be perfect and you might spend a lot of time on YouTube and a lot of trips to the hardware store and a few you know a few broken bones and cuts and scrapes but you'll get it done and it might blow down with the first big wind if you if you don't do it properly so same kind of thing yes but yeah it is a it is a drawn-out process with a lot of detail a lot of effort and it requires a lot of different skills a lot of different trades that have to be sort of well coordinated throughout the process so now that you're well you're a process expert you're about to have your launch come out what would you what would you advise other authors or potential authors who are sort of maybe they're earlier you know close around where you were with the epiphany maybe maybe they feel they have a book brewing maybe they have had that moment where they're like oh my god you know I need to share this with somebody but they haven't yet set off on the you know really the journey to become an author I would say that if you are really intent on this being something that's lasting be willing to invest in it that's my biggest thing is anything that you're that passionate about that you want to write it you want to make it the best that it can be and so don't be penny wise pound foolish would be my first thing that I would say there the second thing I would say is really make sure that you connect with the person who's going to be your scribe because they are going to really be the most critical person in the whole process that I could interview multiple people and that there were a number of good candidates of people that I could work with and I really did feel that Amanda and I were on the same wavelength and she's even in Austin with me and so you know we've we've met and things like that so for me it was really important that I have somebody that I could actually reach out and touch and I knew we were close by and things but you know I think finding that synergy maybe that's not your criteria but it's really important that you connect with the person who's going to be your scribe but finding somebody that you really feel that connection with is so critical yeah that's a fantastic advice going into your launch we're we're a couple days out I think as we're recording this so when you're listening minus uh eight days eight days before okay very exciting the final countdown what are you what are you planning how are you looking at this um what are the dominoes that you're sort of setting up to uh get the book in the hands of the people that you know need it I'm actually working well for one we have a launch party um in Austin next Wednesday at one of the places that's featured in the book called Jack Allen's Kitchen which is a great place for girlfriends to go and have that cocktail after that I mean really we've been building kind of the foundational pieces we've been building the websites um the other big project for me is I'm starting a non-profit as part of this as well which is called Cherie's Choice and that's a great place to start and I'm really excited to be able to do that and I'm really excited to be able to do that and I'm really excited to be able to do that and I'm really excited to be able to do that and I'm really excited to be able to do that the goal of that organization is really to bring education counseling and community support to all those women who are starting those journeys or don't even know what the journey is about who are still just in those societal norms our objective is to take education to universities and things like that so that we can go to young women who this isn't even on their radar right now and give them a foundation of good information so that they carry that with them into their journey to success and I'm really excited to be able to do that and I'm really excited to be able to do that and I'm really excited to be able to do that and I'm really excited to be able to do that and so that's really one of my biggest passions is that this book kind of be the personal view but that the organization carry that out and help other women navigate their own paths I love that I think you know we often coach authors that promoting and getting your book into the right hands is a marathon not a sprint so by all means you know nail your nail your launch but buckle up for the long run and just do something for your book, you know, every week or every month for, for many years to come.

And it sounds like you've got a great plan for that, um, surrounding the, surrounding the nonprofit and the outreach and, you know, just, just doing the work to educate people who know they need it. And this is such an important topic and such a, I think a timely, uh, a timely message and one that's, you know, extremely personal and well informed by your personal experience. And I'm so excited to see it out in the world and see the impact it can have. Yeah. And I will say I'm actually working with a couple of people who have been in the Scribe ecosystem for, you know, PR outreach and things like that.

And so I guess the other thing that I would recommend to people is understand that Scribe isn't just one company. There's a whole ecosystem of people that have worked with other authors. And so, you know, the community goes far beyond just the book writing process. There's other people that you can work with that, that know how to do it. And so, you know, I think it's a, it's a, it's a take it then from book completion to TEDx speaking to, uh, the PR and the outreach to podcasts and journal, you know, uh, magazines and newspapers and all that.

And so, you know, I'd say that it is a whole different world that you can bring yourself into. Yeah. It's, uh, every author has a different journey, different priorities, different needs. Um, and while the process, the book publishing process is the same for almost everybody, at least on a, on a technical basis. Um, what authors do with their books is, you know, as varied as the authors and the books themselves. So it is, uh, it is very fun. And I, I'm sure over the coming months, you'll have a lot of creative new ideas as you, you know, work on getting this out and talk with authors, talk with women, get this book out.

I, the launch party is so fun. I'm so excited for you to have that moment. That's going to be a real, like, uh, I think, uh, a core memory, a champagne moment for you. Yes, exactly. And I am measuring my success in babies. Actually, that's, that's my, that's my metric instead of, you know, number of books sold and stuff. It's number of babies born. So I'm going to have to keep some kind of counter and try to estimate the number of babies. Oh, that's fantastic. Yeah. Put it, put it on the website.

That's an incredible line actually. Um, yeah, never stop saying that. That's beautiful. I love it. Well, thank you so much, Cherie, for, for writing this book, for sharing your experience, for, you know, passing on your wisdom, for choosing Stripe. Um, and for taking on this, this mission, um, it, it meant a lot to me and the whole rest of the team to be able to kind of support you through this journey. And, um, we hope to continue and see you make a lot of babies with your book. Not, not in that way, but you know, you guys, you know what I mean? I'm done making the babies, but yes, I agree with you on that.

And I just really can't thank the team enough for everything that you've done to help make this possible because it's, uh, it, it really meant the world to me to be able to, to see this book come to life. And I know that you guys were, you know, a huge part of it. So thank you. Well, you were incredible in, in trusting us, um, you know, to, to do a great job and show up for you coming out of that transition. And we're one of the first people to like take a leap and believe in us. Um, and hope we, we repaid that many times over and, in, uh, you know, professionalism and excellence and, and providing a good experience.

And now we're, we're rooting for you and supporting you team Cherie all the way. I look forward to, to updates on how this goes and, uh, look at, look at the baby scoreboard. Thank you, Eric. I appreciate it so much..